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Mademoiselle Clara
Clatjw | 陈俊微。

I hope 5 years down the road this will be the avenue I will look back on.

Advertising and Public Relations,
Ngee Ann Polytechnic

clatjw@gmail.com


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Reevaluate
Saturday, May 31, 2014 ▪ 9:06 AM


I keep asking God to reevaluate His choice because I don't think we are compaitable. I am so afraid :< 



sacrifice
Thursday, May 29, 2014 ▪ 12:16 AM


Last saturday, I went out with a group of filipinos missionaries and during the afternoon while they went back to rest, jere, isaac and I went to youth. It has been a long time since I went back to youth and frankly speaking this time round, I felt really comfortable and it got me thinking... "should I go back?" I am really sad to see how most of the us (guilty as charged) are not going to youths anymore. I just feel that I can do so much more for God.

After service, Jere's parents treated the missionaries for dinner and I tagged along with them. During dinner, jere asked "so do you want to go back to youth?" and i was like.... "I was thinking of the same thing too."

And i told him one of the reasons why I don't want to go back is because I am afraid that I can't commit, which is true. University is starting soon, I want to go back to shoot and I am pretty sure their training is on every saturday too.

And the reason why I stopped going back to youth during my poly days was because I've got archery practice every saturday and hence commitment is issue. I'm just afraid I can't commit.

Then he reasoned and said if i really want to see a revival then I ought to sacrifice the things I love most in my life and he continued saying how he sacrificed his band CCA, something he loved a lot, etc etc.

Even though most of the time I really feel that I can't communicate with this leader of mine but I have to applaud him for giving me good advice at times.

So it got me thinking.... Do I have that faith and courage to take this big leap of faith to forsake something I love in exchange for a revival and a deeper intimacy with Him?

I can't believe I am about to cry.... this is such a painful choice. lead me Daddy God, lead me.


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Wednesday, May 28, 2014 ▪ 11:55 PM




So this was how I spent my Sunday. Have i ever told you that it is a crime to work on a sunday? >:/ I just hate working on a Sunday :< 

Anyway, my day started off pretty well. I am beginning to love the first session more... in the past, i used to go to church just for the sake of going to church and I go for the first service just because i need to go cause my mama says so. However, after this year's mission camp, I realised the process of change has been a slow and steady one and I'm proud of the progress I've made and all glory to God. One thing i realised in the first session is even though it starts at 8.30am, most people are early and they come with an expectant heart and God sees your desires and BAM holy spirit outpouring was so strong. The second service is good too, just that I guess we've become a little complacent. We are so comfortable being comfortable and hence we remain stagnant. We become so complacent with our walk with God and hence there's no progression. 

I just hope, I will continue to grow, thirst and love you deeper and deeper each day, lord. Never allow me to be complacent again for you are the only love that satisfies. 


While waiting for my bus to AMK Hub, I saw jeremy and enoch! hahaha and then we just decided to go for lunch! hahahah so impromptu but so good :)  






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How can people be so critical?
Sunday, May 25, 2014 ▪ 12:09 AM


"Harsh critics are often talented, intelligent, and productive people."

Then I wonder, were they born with this trait or was it a character formed over a span of time? When I hear people giving comments like these.... I am so turned off, completely. And I guess that's the reason why I just don't dare to be myself amongst them. If they could say such mean stuff about them, I am pretty sure, they could say things like these to me behind my back. And at times, I just want to argue with them but I know I have NO MATCH for their sharp tongue and I do what i do best - keep quiet. 

It hurts to hear criticism about people whom you have interacted with and you respect them to certain degree. Maybe if they knew about my relationship, friendship with them, would they have kept me out of the loop? Or would they have watched their tongues around me? Or was it my fault to be in between of their conversation? 

I just hate it when people are so critical, yes yes, i know you are good, this i agree and thank God for your talent but sometimes, we just have to zip our mouths. And like what my teachers used to say "Talk less, do more". 

Then again, I can't deny the fact that he is doing more now but does that gives him the rights to be more critical? 

I don't know.  

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"Well girl, you've answered your own question"
Saturday, May 24, 2014 ▪ 11:45 PM


So yesterday night, my granddad was changed to the ICU ward in the wee hours in the morning and frankly speaking, I was really worried about his condition even though I am not close to him. On our way to the TTSH, my chest felt empty, gasping for air and I was about the verge to cry - this feeling is something I've not  had felt in a long while. I guess what made me emotional was seeing my mother tear. I hardly see her cry and the only time in my memories I saw her sobbing was the day when my grandma passed on and we were in the carpark and she just broke down and said "改次妈妈没有妈妈了。” This is a memory I will never forget because what she said was true and I am just not ready to hear that again. However, I believe that God will still be sovereign in this situation and he will get well again.

After staying in the hospital for awhile, my mum asked my dad and I to go home and before we left, we went to 7-11 and went to grab some small bites. This is something my dad and I always do when he fetch me back from english tuition when I was in secondary school. Sometimes, he will surprise me with Calbee's hot and spicy potato chip and a can of coke. While driving home, we will just munch on and talk or sing about anything. hahaha. So yesterday, we did the same thing again and we talked...... Not about my granddad but rather about my future. I was telling him how I knew God has always been giving me the assurance that I will go to NTU since the beginning BUT now I am posted to sociology, I don't know how to feel. I don't know if I should appeal to business or communication studies. I do trust that if the Lord placed me in a certain area, there are definitely things He wants me to learn. However, I was looking at the course description the other day and I just felt sociology wasn't my calling and I felt business will be a much better choice for me. So I was just whining should I appeal what if I appealed and if that's not what God wants? and then my dad said "Well girl, you've answered your own question"

lol, so at the point I was like "yeah, if God doesn't wants me to go, He will not let my appeal to be successful." and I guess I have made up my mind. I am going to appeal to business. But God, my plea is to let Your will be done.

and geez, I love my Dad(s) [Earthly and heavenly].... sometimes, we just don't have to think so hard, right? haha

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The Waiting Game
Thursday, May 22, 2014 ▪ 1:35 AM


It's 12:07 am, I just finished bathing and I am waiting for my hair to dry. Today I am gonna write about something interesting: My university application process.

I remember my papa driving me to NP one day when I was in year 3 and he asked me what do I want to do after I graduate, what university I wanna go. I told him firmly that day that I have no intention of applying to university after i graduate because I wanted to take 1 or 2 gap years before furthering my studies. I wanted to go to Tung ling (3 months bible school) so badly at the point in time.  My papa told my mummy what my plan was and parents being parents, they were not pleased with the idea of taking any gap years. And guess what? I got a huge scolding that night. well, that made me even mad and more persistent in not wanting to apply to university. 

However, in my last semester in poly, I went to Shanghai for internship and I interned in a integrated marketing company and I realised how much I love this industry. When I was there, i met 2 interns. One of them is Cassie, she is a Chinese, 21 y/o (a year older than me), went to pursue a degree in business in Australia and she graduated -  graduated at 21._. She came back to China for summer break and was awaiting for her masters' posting. She wanted to make full use of her summer break and that's why she interned in our company for 2 months. The other intern is from Canada. She is only a year younger than me and right now she is in her third year of university. While interacting with these 2, it made me realised how "small" my diploma was and after talking to both of them, they both told me that a degree is really important. I guess that was the reason why I decided to apply to university.


Before applying to university, I was afraid. Afraid of SO MANY things. Afraid that my grades will not be good enough. Afraid that I will get my rejection letter. Ultimately, I was afraid of disappointing my parents. I remember vividly, that particular period, Shanghai's sky was grey and it looked really dark and gloomy -  a great reflection on how I was feeling about the whole university application thing but God has His way of assuring people. There was this day, I was walking home after having breakfast and I just looked up at the sky and I got a shocked because it has been a while since I saw a beautiful clear blue sky. In my heart, i felt that the sky looked beautiful and I took out my iPhone and snapped a picture. Just I snapped, i heard a voice or should I say, I felt God telling me that, "Just like that, it will be beautiful in My time." I knew He was referring to my university application. That night, I was still worrying about it and I didn't want to sleep with a burden heart and so I opened up 3 different devotional application in my phone and all of them were talking about how God has a plan for us, how God knows about our future. 


At the moment, I felt divine peace reigning in my spirit. Over the next few days, I applied for university knowing that God has already reserved a spot for me. 

After I was back from Shanghai, that was the start of my waiting game. A tough waiting game. When March came and all my school friends with a perfect 4 GPA started to receive their acceptance letter and post it on Facebook, I was happy for them and at the same time, really envious. I knew my letter won't come in March. I did some research and for the past few years, most people get their letter during april and my hunch was that I will get mine in April. I prayed and prayed for April to come quickly. April came, I went for mission trip that month and then in a flash, April went and guess what? My acceptance letter... did not come. That was when I started to doubt everything.... "Did I hear God wrongly? Was it just my imagination all along?" 


At the start of May, I remember telling God "God ah, if I don't receive this month, the next letter i receive from NTU will be my rejection letter." I remember feeling really scared that it will be my rejection letter. On 6 May 2014, I wanted to hear sermon. So I typed this preacher's name on youtube and the second video on the list was "Waiting on God's Timing." At the moment, I knew this was it. This was the sermon I needed to watch and I did.



The few points I've taken from his sermon was that God wants us to wait because:
1) He requires to keep us instep to His timing
2) He requires us to wait, to test our faith
3) He requires us to wait, to strengthen our faith
4) He requires us to sift down motives for our desires
and lastly, He requires us to wait, so that He can bring us to His viewpoint. 

That sermon made me focus again on the right motives on why I wanted to go to university. I felt the spirit was asking me "Do you want to go to University because you want to let other people know you are smart? or do you want to go to university because you feel that there's a need" Throughout my whole process of waiting since March, I knew the reason why I wanted to go to university was not the latter but rather, the former - I wanted to let others know that I can go to university and I am capable. Anyways, after I watched the sermon, I was even more assured that God has definitely reserved a place for me and I just needed to stay still, trust in him. 

During that week, whenever I bathe, I practiced my testimony on how God has granted me a place in university. When I walked to work, I practiced it too. (Note: at the point, I still haven't receive any acceptance letter). All I did,was receiving His blessings by faith. 

On 12 May, I was waiting in the queue to buy coffee and then I received a phone call. (The phone call has another epic story, I am not going to type it down cause I am lazy but if you want to know, ask me! ) It was from the School of Humanities! They told me that I was selected to go for a written test and interview for sociology! I was beaming for joy and at the time even though I don't know what is sociology all about. To cut the long story short, I went for the written test and interview on thursday and I knew that everything is gonna be alright. The next day, while I was walking to work after my lunchbreak, my phone vibrated once and I knew at that instance that vibration was my email vibration and it is gonna be my university application outcome - lo and behold my instinct was right and the I got accepted to study sociology. I was tearing when I saw the acceptance letter. I just wanted to kneel down in the middle of the road and just thank God.




Throughout this, it proved that my God is sovereign because He had already assured me from the beginning. Most importantly, it proved that without God I am nothing and this spot has got nothing to do with my GPA or my capabilities but rather it was all about God's grace and blessing. So by typing this down, I just wanna give glory to God for whatever He has done in my life.  

Praise God, I really can't wait to share my testimony this sunday! 


When I stand before Your throne
Dressed in glory not my own
What a joy I'll sing of on that day
No more tears or broken dreams
Forgotten are the minor things
Everything as it was meant to be


And we will worship, worship
Forever in Your presence we will sing
We will worship, worship You
An endless hallelujah to the King



 Till then! xoxo

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Love, the most powerful weapon.
Wednesday, May 21, 2014 ▪ 1:17 AM


Love either breaks you or makes you whole.

and tonight, my heart is overwhelmed not in a negative way but tonight I just feel the brokeness of so many friends because of their all worries and their emotional hurt and it makes me sad. I just wanna hug them so tightly and let them know how much I truly love them and above all, I just want to remind them that Jesus loves them so much.

This past month of being holy, seeking him daily and most importantly renewing my friendship with Him have brought me to a place so close with him once again. In a way that I can experience His joy and true love again. It brought me to a place where He reminds me where I am called to be - to encourage those who are down, to lend a helping hand to those in need and just to be a friend with the utmost sincerity. God is just stirring this passion in me once again to serve Him.


I always tell my friends that I am really blessed to be born in a complete family. To be born in a place where my Father loves the Lord, loves the wife (my mother) and show his love the best way possible to his family (us). Never once my father complained driving us around. Whenever, my brother or I make unreasonable request like "Daddy, can you drive me to (for example, some ulu place)" or "Daddy, can you send my friend home?" He will gladly send us/them with a cheerful heart.

Last thursday when I was scheduled for an interview in NTU, the first thing my dad told me "let me send you" and from my house to NTU, it is so freaking far, and just that act of sending me to NTU made me so touched. Before I left the car, he told me "if you are done with your interview, let me know." and two hours later, I called him and told him I've completed the interview and he came all the way from his work place to NTU to have lunch with me. After our short catch up during lunch, he could have dropped me to the nearest train station but he didn't. He wanted to drive me all the way back to my workplace, AMK. I told him I needed to go back and change first and told him to leave after he sent me home because I can walk to my workplace but he didn't want to leave. He wanted to wait for me at the carpark while I go home and change because during that period, I injured my feet and I had problem walking. That day his act of sending me to and fro to and fro to and fro, made me felt so loved, so touched, so moved  and so blessed to be loved by an earthly father, who is so patient and so caring.

And that day, I was just thinking IF my earthly father could love me this great, how much more can my Daddy God loves me. Truly, that was the greatest revelation thus far. Jesus love for me is conditional. And the next day, I gotten an email, stating that I was accepted to NTU (This is another testimony i have to share in my next post) - and that made me realised how blessed I am to be loved by a God so high.

For things that God gave/blessed me with, is a huge testament of how He loves and truly provides. To know that He loves me so much it makes me whole, and it makes me want to shout for joy and to let others know how great He truly is. Now this is the love that makes me whole, this is the powerful emotion that completes me. If you are feeling empty or if you have strayed away, do you want to experience this love once again?

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Break out again!!
Wednesday, May 7, 2014 ▪ 12:03 PM


In case you didn't know, I'm having break out again. Not as worse as the previous time but there is a lot of bumps and it is really unsightly :/ this is my left profile, which is the problematic side. 
And this is my right, which is better. 

I can't deal with the break out anymore so I went back to kin mun clinic. As usual, the queue is so long. I was queue no 6 but it took me 1 hour plus before I was able to meet the doctor. 


These 3 are the NEW items that the doctor has prescribed me with and oh good lord, it has suh a burning sensation.  Especially the second bottle (the antibiotic) 



My face is so red!!! This is only day 3 of using the new additional products but anything for good skin, right? 
I do feel that the most of the bumps are gone and I can't wait for my skin to be well again!!!!




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