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Mademoiselle Clara
Clatjw | 陈俊微。

I hope 5 years down the road this will be the avenue I will look back on.

Advertising and Public Relations,
Ngee Ann Polytechnic

clatjw@gmail.com


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Hari Raya!
Friday, August 23, 2013 ▪ 12:03 AM





 









This year was pretty special because Amirah finally invited us over for Hari Raya! I was so excited because I've never done Chinese New Year: Malay edition before (aka Hari Raya) haha. The night before I remember smsing Amirah, 'what must I wear? What's the dress code? How should I behave? '
See. I was so excited and that night was one of the night that I will always remember. We reminisced our KCP days, our embarrassing moments and Amirah's mum even shared some stories about her life! It was such a great night and we took a lot of instax. All the lucky girls got to keep one of the normal and the wide ones :) 

Ended the night of with Fun Run and it was pretty darn addictive, I must say. Meeting tomorrow again, can't wait :) 

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Zooming Out.
Thursday, August 22, 2013 ▪ 11:53 PM


By now you guys might already read it from instagram or facebook that I am not going to Shanghai this September because of visa issue that the company can't settle in time and truth be told when i first heard the news i was super optimistic that everything will be alright and okay. However, reality struck when Miss Claire gave me a call yesterday morning and told me to make a decision to choose either local or hybrid. I teared when I knew that it was time to face the truth because I wanted neither. 

In the end i chose hybrid and I knew i was taking a huge risk because 
1) it is too late to find a local internship
2) No company would want to hire an intern for 2 months 
3) It will be really disruptive for me to switch jobs 

After I sms-ed Miss Claire about my decision, the most amazing thing happened. Right at the moment, I received a sms from xiaona that her company was looking for "intern from NP FMS" That was the moment when I knew that God was in control of this situation. 

That night when i went back I cried myself to sleep, I know that God has great plans for me and I don't doubt that. In fact, I can't wait to see what's the reason that He is stopping me right now. It is just so painful to know that something you have been looking forward to for so long just vanished into thin air.  You are so close to the goal and still so far away. I couldn't think of a better analogy than you being infatuated with this guy for so long and then he asks you out one day, obviously, you are over the moon. However, 15 minutes before your meeting time, he suddenly texts you and tells you he can't make it because he had something on.

THAT'S THE FEELING. DEVASTATED. DISAPPOINTED. HOPELESSNESS. I just feel so sore, numb and disappointed that I can't go.

Today I went for bible study and as always the topics are so apt for me and today during worship they sang a song by Don Moen. 

All that I am, all that I have
I lay them down before You, oh Lord

All my regrets, all my acclaims
The joy and the pain, I'm making them Yours


Things in the past, things yet unseen
Wishes and dreams that are yet to come true
All of my heart, all of my praise
My heart and my hands are lifted to You


and it spoke right to my heart. 

As I was walking back today i questioned myself why did I even cry and why did I even want to go INTO so badly? and then i remember the hurt and disappointments I faced months back. The fact that I can't go to SH means staying in Singapore and see the group of people that I am not comfortable with. Every time I see them, I feel that I need to be accountable for something and it makes me really tired and lifeless. I really want to break free but I don't see it happening anytime soon. 

Still feeling lost and pretty hurt about this situation but what can I do but to suck it up and look forward to what is in stored for me but God if you can give me vision and show me the big picture then maybe I wouldn't feel so sore about this whole unfortunate event :'/


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Such a bummer
Tuesday, August 20, 2013 ▪ 11:57 PM


Today is my last paper in polytechnic. Should I feel happy right? Yes I should. Have i been waiting for this day to come? Yes for the longesttttt time.

However, today i learnt that Isabella and I might not be able to work in Shanghai because of visa issues. how greatttttttt. Actually, the school knew about this weeks ago but they chose not to tell us because we were in the midst of exam preparation and they did not want to distract us. le sigh. They should have told me from the time they knew because

1) I wouldn't have waste my time during my study break searching for places to shop, to sightsee and to drink.
2) I wouldn't have stalk some of my seniors blog and read about their experience
3) I wouldn't stalk another girl on instagram who is in TP and is currently interning in Shanghai

I really didn't want to tell anyone about my internship at first in the initial stage because it will be so paisei when things do not go as plan. I only start telling my Church friends, best friends, coach, advisor, family members etc, when I was offered the letter of Offer from the company. I've been looking forward to this day ever since the day i applied for it.

Anyway before I leave I just wanna let you guys know that my gut feeling is telling me that everything will be alright and if this is the way God wants me to stay, i believe He sees the bigger picture of the whole situation.

everything is gonna be alright.

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Regrets
Monday, August 19, 2013 ▪ 2:20 PM






I regretted not studying hard during the first week of study break. I don't know why but I just felt like sleeping almost every day 24/7. I wake up study abit for 1 hour and then i take a nap for 2 hours and the cycle goes on. ohmytianah. Now I have got so much to study for medlaw and i don't really know if i will do well for the paper :(

There's so many statues and cases to remember for every chapter. Besides that, you need to know about the elements then the copyright, defamation, law of confidence and PDPA  and the elements of defences then you need to memorise the solutions. wow. study just a module about law gave me new found respect to any lawyers in Singapore. Especially my bro's gf who is in the dean's list for law school again. say whutttt. i need some of her intellect now. NOW.

Okay, i should be studying now. My last 24 hours and 12 minutes to cramp everything in. 

See ya, and pray for me if you think divine intervention can help now. haha 

love ya. xoxo

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pause
Saturday, August 17, 2013 ▪ 11:01 PM


wow. I can't believe this. I will be leaving in 2 weeks time for 6 months to a foreign land with four girls that I do not have much contact with except for Grace (since she is my classmate)

Why does it feel that I'm gonna be filming a reality drama - 4 girls who do not know each other will be living together and all the crazy drama will happen - bitch fights will happen, screaming and shouting across the living room saying "YOU SUCH! GO TO HELL B***H"or if things get too heated up, my roommates will be throwing plates forks everywhere!!!!!

HAHAHA, my imagination is running wild now (thanks to all the crazy reality shows i've watched throughout my teenage years - keeping up with the K, ANTM, etc). HAHAHA. okay, if bitch fights really do happen, I will take out my camera and film the whole situation down, just like any videographer will do in a reality show. hahaha.  okay jokes aside,

I can't wait to go out with my favourite people during this 2 weeks after my examination. No doubts I will miss them heap and I am trying to psycho myself not to cry in the airport because I MADE THE DECISION TO LEAVE. so i jolly well do not cry on that bloody day.

Truthfully speaking even though I will be homesick at times, I can't wait to live a new life. There's so many things I wanna try and do. I just hope that after I do it, I wouldn't feel that guilty. haha.

damn. i shouldn't waste so much time on the net. I have got media law examination (my last paper in poly! say whut!!!!) on tuesday!

till then. xoxo

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The problem with my mum and I
Wednesday, August 14, 2013 ▪ 11:03 AM


I do love her but one thing I can't stand is her bloody joy for scolding people and my bloody cowardliness for dare not defending myself.

Yesterday I went to adjust my bottom retainers and I wore it when I was sleeping. When i woke up, I realised that I wasn't wearing my bottom retainers anymore. I went out to find and it was on the dining table already. then my mum blew up "WHY YOU NEVER WEAR?" i explained to her that I wore it and it might be because it was so tight the night that I think i might have subconsciously took it out. She didn't want to buy that story (and damn, that was the truth) and  thought I didn't wear it just because I don't feel like wearing it.

She didn't believe it and throughout the whole time I was having breakfast she just kept yaking NON STOP. omgosh. is was so bloody irritating. I went back to my room and 20 minutes later she stood outside and scolded me again. WTF.

I just hate my cowardliness for not defending myself. SHE IS SO BLOODY STUBBORN AND SHE MAKES ME FEEL SO BAD ABOUT MYSELF. Would any reasonable man stop wearing retainers on the day that they collect their retainers? NO RIGHT? how ridiculous. -.-


And now im crying because I feel that I was being wronged.






Friends connect in Wine connection
Tuesday, August 13, 2013 ▪ 7:17 PM


Last week I met up my first few friends I met in archery. Norman was the first friend I made. His funny and outgoing personality naturally draws people to him. Nicole was the first good friend I made in archery. We took the same bus together and I remember I saw her at the bus stop after training one of the first few trainings and I was filled so so much angst because somebody is archery at that time was so bloody annoying! So on our way back, i was just bitching about that person to nic and she sat down and listen to every single thing I say. I guess that's when and where our friendship really started. haha

Our starter for the night - Cold Cut Palette $15

Pizza Parma Ham $16 
Not really great in my opinion and it doesn't help considering that I'm not a pizza person too! 


We opened a bottle of wine for $30. What is it called? I can't really recall but what i do remember was that after drinking a few glass, I could feel my brain so light. Does it even made sense? Whatever it is I was still so sober, duh obviously. 

A toast for a good future! Norman is enlisting in soon! 

Green Fettuccin $15

Nicole ordered Salmon Ravioli ($15)
I ordered Beef Sirloin ($18) It is damn nice!!!!
   
  

 Don't know when we will meet again and hence we ended the night with a few instax.

Wine Connection is a really beautiful ambience to just chillax. The wine was great, i love how sweet it tastes! Total bill came up to $119.90,  price was pretty reasonable for a place like this. Paid $40/per pax

Do consider Wine Connection next time :) 


11 Unity Street Robertson Walk
#01-19/20

Singapore 237995
Neighbourhood: Robertson Quay

Remember to call and reserve a table before you head down~


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Almost Done.
Friday, August 9, 2013 ▪ 1:33 AM


wow wow and wow. 5 months of hard work and I'm proud to say that im done with capstone (FYP).  Went through so many shitty moments. Stressing about campaign budget/ tallying the petty cash used, worrying if i can collect the collaterals on time for different phases of the campaign. Broke down once due to the fact that I thought I wasn't good enough, I wasn't performing best to my abilities. The funny thing is this capstone project made me feel really alive. Especially, when I have so much things to settle in a day and I managed to complete it within the day itself. woohoooo~  I've learnt so much in this campaign and I'm pretty sure this is also the closest my class could get. 

I hope all of us do well in our exams next week :) 


DIY-ed this stand thingy with my boss. I was damn genius to think of ways to make this. btw. the stand is BBQ skewer. HAHAHAHHAA.

Every one worked hard the night before our final event, most of us slept at 4/5am? and we still had IS the next day.... at 8am. #power

Beautiful frame that the creative team designed. Featuring my korea trip photo because we were doing a sample. haha


 Inflated more than 100 balloons with Syhairah at first. and boy, it was such a tiring job! Thank goodness, Gabbie came to help us halfway through! :) 
 

 Just delivering the helium balloons from loft@94 (somewhat our school hostel) to our final event location! Janna is so cute... I can't even!!!!!
 

Must make use of such good opportunity to take jump shots with helium balloons... I mean... how often do you get to carry so many helium balloons?!?!?!

awwwww. beautiful :) 

A+ for effort, pl0x.

really thankful and happy that my archery friends came to support! THANK YOU :) 


FOP 2013

Need to take #sleca because this is one of the rare moments that I was having a good hair day! :D


 

 with Xiaona :) That night's message was such a good reminder to continue to be a faithful, humble and loyal servant for Jesus. So apt in my life at the moment :') 


 Arts & Sports Scholarship 2013

With ruthhyyy again! She PS-ed me for her bf that night! HAHAHHA. love her still, nonetheless <3

With my secretary, vice captain and captain :)

With our archery club advisor, Miss June Phoon! Look at her smile, she is smiling like a proud mama ^_^

Thanks (part of) committee for coming down :) 
 

With my Daddy and Mummy

This scholarship is really by God's grace. I remember going for the interview and that interview only lasted for 5 minutes (btw, my junior talked to the interviewer for 1 hr++++++!!! Saywhuttttt whatintheworld!!! haha). Anw, the interviewer only asked me 2 questions.
1) Why did you apply for this scholarship
2) If you are going for overseas internship next semester, you won't be in school to help out. What makes you think you deserve this award?  

JENG JENG JENG JENGGGGGGG. My answers were really honest and transparent and I am glad that they granted me this scholarship. :)

Thank you Daddy God.  


Oh btw, the past week my walk with God wasn't great. I really neglected Him and I did something I shouldn't have done. I really regretted it and now I need to start counting from DAY 0 again. Previously, I was free from ____ for 2 MONTHS AND 1 WEEK. The longest i have been free. Really wanted to hit the 6th month mark :(

UGHHHH. SHOULD HAVE JUST RESISTED IT!!!! >:( i was quite angry and really disappointed with myself. However, today while I was studying I was listening to "I Need You More" by Kim Walker and it is such a beautiful song. I've heard it numerous times but I've never pondered about the lyrics before and today I decided to search for the lyrics and BAM that's when I knew God was speaking to me.   




Chorus:
 I need You more, more than yesterday 
I need You Lord More than words can say 
I need You more Than ever before 
I need You Lord, I need You Lord 

Verse: 
More than the air I breathe, more than the song I sing 
More than the next heartbeat, more than anything, 
And Lord as time goes by I'll be by Your side 
Cause I never want to go back to my old life

Wow how true... I need him more every day. I need to hunger and thirst for him more so that I can stay grounded in His word. When I don't have a personal and CLOSE relationship with Him, I feel that I have NO CONTROL of the way I behave. I feel that i am conforming myself to worldly desires rather than seeking and trying to be closer and closer to Daddy God. 

On my way home from FOP last week, my leader told me this  
"Backsliding happens when you are contended with your relationship with God" 
true. true.
but for me I felt that
"Backsliding happens when you stop pursuing your relationship with God" 

I really do not want to go back to my old life. That place is such a spiritually parched place and it affects me emotionally and mentally too. 

Well, I am gonna stand up strong and not give up. I know He has great plans for me. Wish me luck again or just pray for me.

love you guys and ttyl.  

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