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Mademoiselle Clara
Clatjw | 陈俊微。

I hope 5 years down the road this will be the avenue I will look back on.

Advertising and Public Relations,
Ngee Ann Polytechnic

clatjw@gmail.com


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Obligated
Thursday, January 24, 2013 ▪ 11:40 PM


oh hi!
It's me again and today I felt really obligated to blog. I was just being a stalker (as usual) and i found an old churchmate's blog and there was so many blog links there that linked to many of my churchmates' old blogs. you get it? I hope you do.

So I went to different blogs and read their blog posts it warms up my heart to see how we were on fire about God and for every blog post they posted it was all about their daily testimonies. I used to love reading all of their blogs and I even told God that I really want to be like them next time! I remember I was so excited to go for youth when i was in secondary school and how I long to seek God's face every Saturday. I remember God had shown himself real to me when I was in secondary two. Will never forget 2007. I guess that was when I was closest to God.

The thing that bothers me now is... where have they gone? and that includes me. Where was the passion I had for God gone to? 

When I grew older, I faced a lot of setbacks, realised life wasn't a bed of roses and my human mind thought that God was not real and slowly i began to curse God for every bad thing that he had brought upon my life. Then when i found out my grandma had cancer in 2008, i remember scolding/cursing God and asked him why? WHY HER? I remember being a distraught teenager demanding to know answers. haha. but the funny thing was even when i hated God, I still prayed fervently because part of me believed me that God will heal her miraculously one day.... but the day never came. I guess that was the point where i decided to go against God and started to rebel badly. :| So.. i started to stop attending youth also partly because i thought that everyone hates me (You really can't blame me for being so insecure when i was younger okay) thinking back, I am also embarrassed that I have to went through the AA phase :|

Going for mission trip in Philippines in 2010 was great because that's when I saw the wonderful and glorious works that God had done in the midst of the Filipinos. I repented one night in the trip and told God I will live a life fully just for you. And by that, I thought I needed to live a "PERFECT" life for God. The first few days when i came back from mission trip, i was still going strong in faith. Then one day, I did something wrong or should i say I did something i shouldn't do AGAIN. That's when I THOUGHT I couldn't be as perfect as God wanted me to be and i thought I was unworthy to be with Him. I felt that im a disappointing daughter because i kept telling God that I won't do it anymore but i still make the same mistakes. I THOUGHT (act smart again) i felt God's pain of being hurt by the actions/choices I did/made. I was definitely guilt tripped my the devil and that was when my faith hit rock bottom again. 3 youth leaders (from what I remembered) came to talk to me and probe me what was happening. I didn't tell anybody except for one special mentor. The next week, she bought me a book and (I can't remember if she told me she had gone through the same phase) told me to read it. But me being me when I was younger, hated books. I didn't read the book until year 2012. HAHAHAHA

Okay... Im typing so long but i don't know what's the point I want to make? -_-

oh wait wait... But God is faithful. I believe that every obstacles i encountered was a chance for me to learn and grow. Going to APR was definitely by God's plan and grace. He has proved himself faithful to me these coming 2 years. And even when I thought i couldn't do well last semester, he was indeed almighty and showed me a shocking grade. :)

These past few months of rededicating my life back to God was one of my BEST decisions I've made. The joy, peace and love i felt from Him was astounding. He also proved to me He IS indeed Jehovah Jireh, our provider. I am also amazed that he uses broken people like me (see, you don't have to be perfect) to minister to other people. Sometimes, there are difficult times but when I have God I don't have to walk alone. (the thought is comforting) Just wanna thank him for showing me how real he is. I can't even comprehend this mindblowing fact.

I have a dream for God and I can't reveal it now because i haven't overcame the temptation yet. I'm still in the midst of gaining victory but sometimes my flesh do otherwise and i need to start from level zero again. It hurts to know that I have failed over and over again. The day When I successfully have a breakthrough, I will pen down my thoughts again. I'm pretty sure it will be a good testimony because I have been struggling with this issue for 6/7 years now and once I have a break through i can indeed testify that indeed our God is Jehovah Rapha, the Lord our healer.

before i end this post, I teared when i was listening to this omw home. It pretty much sums up my prayer/plea. My fear of being abandoned by God (though I realised it wasn't him who walked away, it was me who made the decision) I really hope that God will never let me go no matter how many times I've failed him. This is indeed true love and grace.


Hold On To Me, 

Sweet Jesus,

Never Let Me Go,

Never Let Me Go,
Never Let Me Go.





okay, back to work now. too much to do! have a good night everybody!

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Acne Journey (III)
Friday, January 4, 2013 ▪ 10:47 AM


So sorry for the lack of updates regarding about Kin Mun Clinic Review. From my blog statistics, most people who came to my blog because they searched for Clarisonic and Kin Mun!  


This was my second time going back to Kin Mun Clinic and even though it is very pricey (as usual),  my skin has become so much better since last july! 


Right Profile: From August to November
 

Left Profile
 


  

As you can see, there are still red marks and scars left and it will take months to fade away. (Though it is January now, I am still left with some scars.) 

However, make up can solve this problem >:) 

I'm using KATE lasting base and Powderless Liquid to cover and hide all my blemishes.




 

 

I know how sad it is to have severe acne and i really hope those who are facing this problem now know that you are not alone in this journey.

xoxo,
clatjw


Acne Journey Posts:

Part 1
Part 2

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